I thought the original draft version was a really well done visual novel. But your work on the revamped version is kicking up to a much higher level!
Rigel1961
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A member registered Sep 20, 2022
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Hi Blayke;
Not many days ago I finished reading Straight!? Now I'm back to New Hope (I started reading it back in January but it got lost in the shuffle).
Now that I've discovered you were Aaryn's co-writer I wanted to share with you what I told him. I worked as an editor for a science fiction magazine for three and a half years. An editor's main job is buying the stories for the magazine. Straight!? had the one quality that always guarenteed I would buy a story from someone, even if it was their first try at selling their work. Characters that I cared about! I don't care how well (or poorly) written a story is, but if I get invested into the characters to the point where I really need to know what happens to them -- that's a top notch story. It help a lot that Zack reminded me so much of myself. I'm enjoying what you've done with New Hope and look forward to seeing more.
PS with a couple of hints, I had Theo figured out well in advanced. But Eyal -- ooo, there's so many questions about him. I have suspicions; several in fact. But he's hard to read! The lunch conversation about the camping suddenly got me wondering about Ethan. Apparently he doesn't remember so . . .
Yeah. You've got me hooked! Good job and keep it up.
Editor comments (sorry, old habits die hard). In the history class and in one other spot, Mrs. was repeatedly written as Mrs.s Not sure what happened there but hopefully that's an easy typo to correct. When Justin is practicing outdoors, he sometimes refers to the ground as the floor. Stick with floor indoors and ground outdoors for consistency.
I agree. My partner and I had that kind of communication. The only time we "argued" was if something was very trivial (World of Warcraft was one such thing). But if it was important, we discussed it, analysed it, formulated options then logically chose the option that would hurt the least. Both of us were intelligent and responsible adults. The whole communication thing is what makes your novel so engrossing. I believe it's why people have responded so well to it. People are starved in this day and age for communication and understanding. So again, job well done!
Hello again Aaryn;
So yesterday when I was getting to the end of the story and Braden and Zack were talking in the park just before going their separate ways, there was a comment that made me realise I would see a different conversation if I were to choose the Pervy route in, I think it was Chapter 2. So today I started again (thankfully there's a skip button!). I chose the pervy route and was skipping through to chapter 9 or 10. But when I got to the swim team meeting, I suddenly hit a different path. Yesterday, Mikhail went after Ash while Zack went looking for Braden, found him and they had the talk at the waterfall. I'm not sure exactly how I hit the alternate path, but suddenly, there's Zack going after Ash. My reaction was much like Ash's; what? Oooo, a mystery! When they got to the gym, I was laughing. But then the whole thing turned sour and then actually became ugly. But when it was all said and done, I found myself thinking that that version was a much better conversation between the two of them (Braden and Zack).
Once again, congratulations on some truly great story telling!
Rigel
P.S. I think Cody is the hottest guy in the story! He's so cute and has a killer body.
Dear Aaryn;
I sat up until 4:15 am last night to finish reading Straight?! I've been reading it since earlier this year. First of all, let me say I loved this story.
In the second chapter (?) there was a point where it seemed like it just repeated the get up-go to class-go to bed-repeat cycle far too often. I almost quit as that was so boring! But I figured, there has to be more to it than this.
Then you got past that and settled into building the story. I've been reading about 6 of these visual novels this past year and while most are vague stories stringing together an endless parade of porn scenes, Straight?! isn't. You flat out have the best written, most in depth and most well fleshed out characters and story of all of the VN's I've been reading. What a breath of fresh air! In the late 1990's I was the editor for a science fiction magazine and was often asked by budding writers what the key to success was. I always told them, I have to believe in your character, I have to care what happens to them. If they're cardboard cutouts, I'm not interested. I believed your characters; I saw pieces of myself in each of them. I cared about them. Reading through v0.21.4 yesterday I cried numerous times (I lost count after 12 or so LOL); because I cared about these characters. To me, that's what makes this story so beautiful.
I'm a 61 year old man who spent his youth vacillating between being horny and cruising parks for sex to then hating myself and my entire existence for doing it. I was almost 30 before I was able to settle in and accept me for me. Not long after that, I met a woman who also accepted me as I was (I'm pansexual btw). Those were the best 26 1/2 years of my life! She died in 2019 and I will probably live the rest of my life alone (romantically) but safely connected to a handful of truly wonderful friends. I think our life experiences are very similar.
I'm sure you've heard this before, but, I'd happily read a sequel. After all, that was only the first semester! I know when you finish a story, it's difficult to create a second one. After all, that story is finished! But if you find another story to tell, I would happily read it. You are a truly good story teller.
Thank you very much.